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This is a picture of me, five years ago.  Five years ago, I had a surgery on my arm that was supposed to stop the tingling from a pinched nerve and prevent nerve damage.  Five years ago, that surgery damaged my nerves and sent my autonomic nervous system into a tailspin. Five years later, I’m still experiencing the pain and affects of that surgery, and they aren’t getting better, they are getting worse. This is the first year that I actually didn’t think about the fact that it was the anniversary of my pain, the day passed just like another holiday.  But now, I thinkRead More →

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It can be frustrating when you have ideas for your life that just don’t work out how you planned.  As part of academic advising, I had things all planned out, I knew what classes I was going to take when.  In spring of 2013, I would graduate with a Bachelor degree in Neuroscience.  Everything looked so nice and neat on paper. The past few weeks have been a real struggle.  Between going to Cleveland Clinic to evaluate a possible genetic condition, the development of a seemingly invincible urinary tract infection, and some other health issues, class has taken a back seat to my health.  AfterRead More →

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This was posted a bit early so I could submit it to the Chronic Babe blog carnival, enjoy! It is almost that time of year again; the time of year where people are looking forward to the new year and reflecting on the old one.  I have an even greater reason to do this.  December 31, 2008 was the day my surgery on my left arm that caused the start of my CRPS.  I was mostly drugged up and my arm was still numb from the regional anesthetic for that evening (I joke this is the only time I’ll ever be high on New Year’s), soRead More →

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Exactly one year ago today, I was studying for my biology class, just like any other day. I stood up, and in doing so, my life changed. Isn’t it amazing that life can change in a split second? I had no idea that the numbness and tingling I felt would last so long, or become what it has today. Certainly I had no clue that the past year would have changed me so much. Yet it has. Looking back, the change is interesting. Obviously, I’ve changed physically, but it is more than that. I’ve changed my area of study from graphic design to nursing (thoughRead More →

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“He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead…in this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.” 1 Peter 1:3 and 6 In our growth group, we are reading through 1 Peter and that stood out to me. We all have trials and grief, but even through all of our suffering, we can still hold hope because He has given us HOPE. It is that hope that gets us through the long days (and nights) and through the long trials. WeRead More →

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One thing that I’ve been questioning recently is how God could have allowed all this pain to happen to me when so many people were praying for my surgery to go well and cure the pain.  A few days ago, God revealed a comforting analogy to me through nature that helped me understand a little bit of why. Some days, the sun is hidden by many clouds.  Sometimes the rain pounds the earth, while thunder shakes the earth and lightning streaks across the sky.  This is not what we expected, not what we wanted, yet God remains in control.  The rain that drenches the groundRead More →

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For the first time in a long time, I am doing nothing, not because I have to but because I can. Sure, I have a few things I could be doing, but they aren’t urgent and can wait. It seems bizarre that if something I want to do pops into my head, I have the energy to hop up and do it. It almost seems foolish to waste my energy on doing nothing, but I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts. So, why don’t I have anything to do? Because my final papers are in, my final exams are over, and my year ofRead More →

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During worship this morning, I stood gritting my teeth and holding back tears, desperately clutching my arm to my body in an attempt to protect it from the low bass sound waves ricocheted around my body. For some reason, my arm responds to low sound waves the same way your arm might if it was placed in a pair of vice grips, then tightened. As painful as it was, it wasn’t the pain that finally caused the tears to roll down my face. “How can I say thanks For the things You have done for me, Things so undeserved, Yet You gave to prove YourRead More →

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The purpose of this blog isn’t for me to complain, but to comment on my life with a chronic pain syndrome, which of course includes pain. Even though pain is a part of my everyday life, it isn’t always the thing that most affects my life. Sometimes the emotional struggles are just as difficult as the physical ones. I realized the other day that I had not used my left arm normally in more than six months. I have not folded my own clothes, zipped a Ziploc bag, or clapped my hands in half of a year. I remember being insisting that people know myRead More →